I don't want to say this but i REALLY have to say this....
There's this friend of mine who used to tell me that ,"I'm single and loving it..." bla, bla, bla.... Well, the truth is you can't even stand a single day being SINGLE!! You need some stupid guy whom you rarely know in your life just to occupy some so-called "emptiness" in your life that only God can fill!! I can't believe you're two-timing again and i can't believe your boyfriend is someone you barely knew. (actually, i'm not that surprised cos, the heck, you're capable of doing that) Is it that hard to choose?? It shows that you don't even know what you want in a guy. DOn't say that u're single and loving it when you don't mean it lah!! Having a boyfriend is okay but when YOU have a boyfriend, that's not ok cos when you break up, you go all depressed and who has to suffer?? ME!! I am the one who has to make those silly choices for you!! I am the one who has to listen to you saying ," i wanna die..." and so on. I'm sick of you just asking me ,"Should i call him?" or say "He's been thinking of other girls...so i'm angry at him". Of all the things you wanna talk to me about. Hello?? im the last person to ask for advice cos in your situation, i'll just say," break up lah!! and never have a boyfriend till you're ready." true right? your life so difficult everytime you have a boyfriend. dahlah siapa yg merana?? akulah! dan semua org di sekeliling kau!! siapa gik??!!! you always get mad and when you're mad, i'm mad cos you tell me what's going on. sometimes, you don't tell me why you're mad cos it'll freak me out. I'll think you're mad at me.
I hate to say this but you're DESPERATE. (i even bold it and italic it to show how much i mean it when i say it) you always need a guy in your life huh? well, it proves you're weak. you don't stand for what you believe in. "I'm single and happy..." KONONNYA!! I'm the one who's single and happy! I say it proudly cos i live up to it. I'm single not because my parents want it, i don't want a boyfriend cos at this point, i don't think it's necessary. (besides, i've not found a guy to my liking yet) again, i'd like to repeat that HAVING A BOYFRIEND IS NOT WRONG. it's wrong when you can't handle/control your emotions.
i feel much better saying it out. i don't mean to insult you (well, actually i do) but it's a real thing that i HAVE to say. if you read this and know that this is you jgnlah kecil hati. You always wanted honesty, right? well then, here it is. THE TRUTH OF WHAT I REALLY THINK ABOUT YOU...
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
Education?? i don't feel like i'm being educated.
why do i say as the above matter? it's because the education system is actually suffocating us and not caring for our interests at all. you may not realise this but the education system is actually pressuring us to be in the Science side. To fit in with society and to be respected by them, we have to be in Science side in order for us to have a bright future. UNfair, isn't it? What about those arts students? Some people (referring to myself), want to pursue their interest but have no choice only to take Science and drop their dreams of arts. You see, if we major in Interior Designing, it may not be marketable because there's so many people in this field. That's the whole problem of majoring in arts.
Personally, i like designing, fashion designing to be exact. I'm a Science student, which is a bummer cos people have really high expectations from you. Since in Malaysia, arts is unacceptable, then i might wanna take Forensic Science in future. i'll do my designing part time, as a hobby. I'm hoping to go big in the fashion industry. I heard from older friends that Forensic Science is really hard and that there's only one Forensic Scientist in Sarawak. It's so cool! But alot of hard work. I'm willing to take the challenge cos honestly, i don't know what else to do.
The coolest thing and the BEST thing for me to be is to be a radio DJ or a TV host cos i can be me. I've been doing MC-ing these few days and i really like it and have a talent fot it. I feel that i should MC for events more often so that i can be a great DJ or TV host. I never knew i had it in me, that personality zest that DJs and TV hosts usually have. Cool.
Personally, i like designing, fashion designing to be exact. I'm a Science student, which is a bummer cos people have really high expectations from you. Since in Malaysia, arts is unacceptable, then i might wanna take Forensic Science in future. i'll do my designing part time, as a hobby. I'm hoping to go big in the fashion industry. I heard from older friends that Forensic Science is really hard and that there's only one Forensic Scientist in Sarawak. It's so cool! But alot of hard work. I'm willing to take the challenge cos honestly, i don't know what else to do.
The coolest thing and the BEST thing for me to be is to be a radio DJ or a TV host cos i can be me. I've been doing MC-ing these few days and i really like it and have a talent fot it. I feel that i should MC for events more often so that i can be a great DJ or TV host. I never knew i had it in me, that personality zest that DJs and TV hosts usually have. Cool.
Sunday, December 17, 2006
PS Conference...fired up by it!
I just came back from Planetshakers Conference Malaysia. I expected something and i did came back with something. I expected this conference to have an impact in my life and there is. I learned lotsa things. It's really cool cos i get to see the main band, the actual Planetshakers team. it's alot better than the one Kuching got (duh!). Ps Matt Garner was there! haha... The cute Aussie pastor. anyway, it's an amazing trip cos i get to meet new friends and some old friends. Turns out Wilson was in the same flight as us! Really glad to be able to meet an old friend again. and oh, Crystal's brother, Ian was there too! With Wilson around, things will not get boring.
Conference was awesome! THere were many pastors speaking. To name them- Ps. Neil Smith, Ps. Matt Fielding, Ps. Chad Harding, Ps. Matt Garner, Ps. Mervin Jayaseela and one more, something Geerling. I chose worship and Moving in the Holy Spirit as my electives. Worship was led by Henry Seeley. He's a great worship leader and yah, i got lotsa tips from him. The drummer, Mark Webber also was there to answer our questions. I didn't really take note of what he was saying cos instead of listening, i was amazed by his really low voice. haha...i've never heard such a low voice before! Moving in The Holy Spirit was taken by Ps. Mervin Jayaseela. This one really left a great impact. He speaks in such a gentle manner yet his message is like a double edged sword! i say this because his message makes you wana repent. and i did. he said something bout our rooms reflects our spiritual life. thinking of my room, i have to say that he's right! my room was in a mess and it did reflect my spiritual life. my spiritual life was really at a very low state. I can't share everything that i've learned cos there's really so many!
NIght sessions is for concert and the concert is free. One thing i hate bout the concert is that because it's free, there's lots of people. Lotsa people means congestion, congestion means there's some darned uncivilised people pushing at the back. Those people don't understand that this is a Christian concert. Another thing that annoys me is that the people who were pushing were GIRLS. IDIOTIC GIRLS!! The organisers specifically said that they cannot run nor push but still, there were people who ran and pushed. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH?? most annoying of all, it was KL people who did this not KUCHING people. i guess my expectations of KL people is too high. it seems that Kuching people are more civillised than they are, smarter than they are because we know how to listen to instructions. in my point of view, KL kids are too smart to even listen to instructions cos they SO SMART mah, they think they smarter than the organisers . and another thing, they should have given priority to those who attend the conference because the concert IS a part of the conference. those are the bad part of the concert itself. now, let's talk bout the good part. speakers were amazing! even though we sang almost the same songs every night, we left the building fired up every night. it's not about the music, it's about God. the last night was the best! i believe everyone received the gift of speaking in toungues that night. i already knew how to speak in toungues before this but that night, i knew how to use it more effectively. The Holy Spirit really moved that night and the fire of God was tangible. Awesome!
Honestly, no words can really describe this conference. When the Holy Spirit fills you, the feeling is just that 'amazed' feeling. and another thing, i really hate KL now. the food sucks, the people sucks and the fashion sense......makes you gag! KL is a place where most teenagers are driven by peer pressure and most of them are fashion victims. everyone (mostly teens) are trying to keep up with one another and that's why KL have fashion victims and don't realise it at all. for those of you who wish to go and LIVE in KL, don't wish it, you'll hate it. Once you're there, you'll thank God for Kuching even though it's not very developed as KL but the peace and the laid back atmosphere is truly none like no other. No wonder Sarawak is called a 'place like no other'. there is no place like it! Kuching isn't all that bad lah. i really appreciate Kuching after travelling to KL so many times. before this conference, i went kl 2 weeks ago and that's insane! i didn't like my stay because i was at KL, i liked my stay because i was with Kuching people and i was there for a beneficial cause, not just to shop. i will never want to study in KL. NEVER!! but if i have no choice, i'll go. i wanna study in Australia but that means i need excellent results. if that's what it takes, i'll do it!
Conference was awesome! THere were many pastors speaking. To name them- Ps. Neil Smith, Ps. Matt Fielding, Ps. Chad Harding, Ps. Matt Garner, Ps. Mervin Jayaseela and one more, something Geerling. I chose worship and Moving in the Holy Spirit as my electives. Worship was led by Henry Seeley. He's a great worship leader and yah, i got lotsa tips from him. The drummer, Mark Webber also was there to answer our questions. I didn't really take note of what he was saying cos instead of listening, i was amazed by his really low voice. haha...i've never heard such a low voice before! Moving in The Holy Spirit was taken by Ps. Mervin Jayaseela. This one really left a great impact. He speaks in such a gentle manner yet his message is like a double edged sword! i say this because his message makes you wana repent. and i did. he said something bout our rooms reflects our spiritual life. thinking of my room, i have to say that he's right! my room was in a mess and it did reflect my spiritual life. my spiritual life was really at a very low state. I can't share everything that i've learned cos there's really so many!
NIght sessions is for concert and the concert is free. One thing i hate bout the concert is that because it's free, there's lots of people. Lotsa people means congestion, congestion means there's some darned uncivilised people pushing at the back. Those people don't understand that this is a Christian concert. Another thing that annoys me is that the people who were pushing were GIRLS. IDIOTIC GIRLS!! The organisers specifically said that they cannot run nor push but still, there were people who ran and pushed. DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND ENGLISH?? most annoying of all, it was KL people who did this not KUCHING people. i guess my expectations of KL people is too high. it seems that Kuching people are more civillised than they are, smarter than they are because we know how to listen to instructions. in my point of view, KL kids are too smart to even listen to instructions cos they SO SMART mah, they think they smarter than the organisers . and another thing, they should have given priority to those who attend the conference because the concert IS a part of the conference. those are the bad part of the concert itself. now, let's talk bout the good part. speakers were amazing! even though we sang almost the same songs every night, we left the building fired up every night. it's not about the music, it's about God. the last night was the best! i believe everyone received the gift of speaking in toungues that night. i already knew how to speak in toungues before this but that night, i knew how to use it more effectively. The Holy Spirit really moved that night and the fire of God was tangible. Awesome!
Honestly, no words can really describe this conference. When the Holy Spirit fills you, the feeling is just that 'amazed' feeling. and another thing, i really hate KL now. the food sucks, the people sucks and the fashion sense......makes you gag! KL is a place where most teenagers are driven by peer pressure and most of them are fashion victims. everyone (mostly teens) are trying to keep up with one another and that's why KL have fashion victims and don't realise it at all. for those of you who wish to go and LIVE in KL, don't wish it, you'll hate it. Once you're there, you'll thank God for Kuching even though it's not very developed as KL but the peace and the laid back atmosphere is truly none like no other. No wonder Sarawak is called a 'place like no other'. there is no place like it! Kuching isn't all that bad lah. i really appreciate Kuching after travelling to KL so many times. before this conference, i went kl 2 weeks ago and that's insane! i didn't like my stay because i was at KL, i liked my stay because i was with Kuching people and i was there for a beneficial cause, not just to shop. i will never want to study in KL. NEVER!! but if i have no choice, i'll go. i wanna study in Australia but that means i need excellent results. if that's what it takes, i'll do it!
Sunday, October 29, 2006
DaRk PaRaDe
Been really tired this week. My grandma died on Wednesday (25th Oct-2nd day of Hari Raya) at 10.10pm. One thing i wished i had done was to go to the hospital right after she was sent to the hospital by the ambulance. I should have obeyed my instincts (cos annoyingly, they were ALWAYS right). No point crying over spilled milk anyway. I'm not totally sad when my grandma passed away, i just feel that all her pain and sufferings are finally over. Cos few days before, my grandma was having a really bad headache and frequent stomach aches and i got really frustrated to see her suffer. But...she was perfectly fine the whole day before she died (she actually watched tv with us and was eating cottage fries!), except the time when she had a shower while we had dinner at about 6.45pm. She took a long time in the bathroom. After we finished our dinner, she was still in the bathroom and that's when all the tragedy happened. I thought it was nothing serious...till the time that my mom called (was few minutes before 10pm) and asked my sis, younger bro and i(we were watching Grey's Anatomy) to go over to the hospital, that's when i knew that it's very serious. On the way to the hospital, my mom called again to tell us to bring my grandma's clothes. my cousin called my bro telling him that my grandma died. I knew very well that she's really gone but my sis was having doubts cos my mom called us to bring grandma's clothes. She didn't know that the clothes were for clothing the dead body. I guess, i was prepared for this, that's why i didn't cry. people eventually die anyway...it's something that i understand eventhough i've never gone through this before. it turned out that while she was in the bathroom, a vein in her brain gave way due to high pressure, leading to a massive stroke.
I remember asking myself,"why am i not crying? am i that bad?". It turns out that it's because i know where my grandma will be-in heaven. i know that my grandma doesn't like to trouble people. Being sad is very troubling. If my grandma were to be here, she won't want us to be sad because she is happy with the Lord. She no longer have to feel pain in her bones, no more stomach aches too and moreover, she'll be happy for ETERNITY. i don't see why i should be sad, i should be happy for her! i should be happy that she gets to be in heaven. crying and being sad is not going to bring her back anyway...
I didn't know that hosting a funeral is so tiring! the night that my grandma died, i had to stay up all night. well...i stayed up till almost 4am then i fell asleep then i had to wake up at 7am again! That was only 3 hours sleep! According to Dayak custom, we are not to leave the body unattended. We have to be around it while the body is still in the house. So many people came to my house. My elder bro had to drive all the way back to kpg. Stass to bring relatives over to my house. Funeral was on Friday (27th Oct). In the period of the night of 25th Oct till the night of 27th Oct, i had little sleep an i worked my head off! Not just me, but everybody in the family did. My poor aunty in Saudi Arabia can't come back in time for the funeral cos it's Hari Raya so there's no flight back to Malaysia. Saudi Arabia is insane! During Hari Raya, nobody works at all! It's as if the whole country just had an economical stand still during Hari Raya. Saudi Arabia is to be blamed for not bringing my aunt back in time to AT LEAST get a glimpse of my grandma. My aunt in ENgland managed to get a leave and come back here in time for the funeral.
It's really boring in my house, now that there's no funeral cos all my relatives went back to their own homes. I actually liked it when they were around. the funeral actually made the whole family gathered together and it was so cool! Now my house not meriah anymore....
Well....i gained alot of experience through this funeral. 1, is that i now know how does funeral hosting feels like. 2, now i know why my mom married my dad. (heheh..). 3, got to know my relatives better. 4, err.....i don't think there's a four. Anyway, thanks to all that has helped out for my grandma's funeral, esp William Howell, my cousin-in-law for putting the coffin to the accurate position.
That's all for now.
I remember asking myself,"why am i not crying? am i that bad?". It turns out that it's because i know where my grandma will be-in heaven. i know that my grandma doesn't like to trouble people. Being sad is very troubling. If my grandma were to be here, she won't want us to be sad because she is happy with the Lord. She no longer have to feel pain in her bones, no more stomach aches too and moreover, she'll be happy for ETERNITY. i don't see why i should be sad, i should be happy for her! i should be happy that she gets to be in heaven. crying and being sad is not going to bring her back anyway...
I didn't know that hosting a funeral is so tiring! the night that my grandma died, i had to stay up all night. well...i stayed up till almost 4am then i fell asleep then i had to wake up at 7am again! That was only 3 hours sleep! According to Dayak custom, we are not to leave the body unattended. We have to be around it while the body is still in the house. So many people came to my house. My elder bro had to drive all the way back to kpg. Stass to bring relatives over to my house. Funeral was on Friday (27th Oct). In the period of the night of 25th Oct till the night of 27th Oct, i had little sleep an i worked my head off! Not just me, but everybody in the family did. My poor aunty in Saudi Arabia can't come back in time for the funeral cos it's Hari Raya so there's no flight back to Malaysia. Saudi Arabia is insane! During Hari Raya, nobody works at all! It's as if the whole country just had an economical stand still during Hari Raya. Saudi Arabia is to be blamed for not bringing my aunt back in time to AT LEAST get a glimpse of my grandma. My aunt in ENgland managed to get a leave and come back here in time for the funeral.
It's really boring in my house, now that there's no funeral cos all my relatives went back to their own homes. I actually liked it when they were around. the funeral actually made the whole family gathered together and it was so cool! Now my house not meriah anymore....
Well....i gained alot of experience through this funeral. 1, is that i now know how does funeral hosting feels like. 2, now i know why my mom married my dad. (heheh..). 3, got to know my relatives better. 4, err.....i don't think there's a four. Anyway, thanks to all that has helped out for my grandma's funeral, esp William Howell, my cousin-in-law for putting the coffin to the accurate position.
That's all for now.
Tuesday, October 24, 2006
1st Day of Hari Raya
what a boring hari raya this year! i only went to 1 house. i guess it's time for a change. the reason why i only visited 1 house is cos my family and i were full and my dad has no idea who to visit next. actually, i was kinda relieved that we only visited 1 house this time cos i don't wana feel so bloated this year. The house that i visited was my aunt's house. her food is always the best! i love her rendang cos it's the only thing that's not sweet. the best thing bout her house is her cookies and cakes! i had joy trying out all her cakes and cookies....too bad i didn't try all of her cakes cos i was already so full. i love her Kek Hati, which is basically a chocolate cake and is baked by steaming method. steam cakes are usually very soft and moist. delicious! however, not everyone can achieve that magnificent moist steam cake. my mom made that cake before but it's not as moist as my aunt's. hers was really soft, so moist, tender to the tongue. i had joy just to eat there. one thing that i regretted not doing is trying out all her cakes. i should have stuffed it into my mouth!! i guess this year's theme for her hari raya baking spree is chocolate cos most of her cakes' and cookies' main ingredient is chocolate. there was her very famous Almond London (almond cookies coated with chocolate and the centre of the cookie is an almod nut), there was 3 other chocolate cookies which i dono the names. last year, her theme was cheese cos most of her cakes and cookies are made of cheese.
after the visiting, my dad decided not to use the toll so drived through the whole of kpg.bintawa which is so long! that place is so conjested cos the road is like jalan tikus. luckily most of the vehicles going through there are small cars like kelisa and kancil.
the rest of the afternoon, i spent the time washing my clothes and watch tv then sleep. Florence called, telling me that she's going to Sharifah's house to visit. I decided not to cos i was about to sleep at that time. later in the night, i did nothing much, just chilling out with my siblings and watched tv and now this. and...i chatted with >censored<>
after the visiting, my dad decided not to use the toll so drived through the whole of kpg.bintawa which is so long! that place is so conjested cos the road is like jalan tikus. luckily most of the vehicles going through there are small cars like kelisa and kancil.
the rest of the afternoon, i spent the time washing my clothes and watch tv then sleep. Florence called, telling me that she's going to Sharifah's house to visit. I decided not to cos i was about to sleep at that time. later in the night, i did nothing much, just chilling out with my siblings and watched tv and now this. and...i chatted with >censored<>
Sunday, October 22, 2006
Sunday
Today, i went to church as usual. Now Carlson seems to be trying to get close to me. Haha....dipersilakan. I'd like to get to know him more but weird lah...cos all these while i treat him more like an elder brother and a good friend, not more than that. It's weird to think of him as more than that lah..thinking of it just make me have that weird feeling again. He's going for PS conference too..whether I should feel happy or not. I should take a pic of him to show u all how he really looks like. Very handsome....=)
Very bored lah...I just watched tv from 12.00pm to 4.00pm then i sleep till 6.00pm. what a life. I practically go online everyday. now it doesn't seem to be so fun, it's become an addiction and now that i have a blog...going online is an everyday thing. Aiyo, and my friend Ryan from Brunei coming down to kch on 1st Dec and he ask me to hang out with him. Dono whether i can cos that night i will have to be MC for some dinner. Klah...aku chaw lok.
Very bored lah...I just watched tv from 12.00pm to 4.00pm then i sleep till 6.00pm. what a life. I practically go online everyday. now it doesn't seem to be so fun, it's become an addiction and now that i have a blog...going online is an everyday thing. Aiyo, and my friend Ryan from Brunei coming down to kch on 1st Dec and he ask me to hang out with him. Dono whether i can cos that night i will have to be MC for some dinner. Klah...aku chaw lok.
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