DaRk PaRaDe

Been really tired this week. My grandma died on Wednesday (25th Oct-2nd day of Hari Raya) at 10.10pm. One thing i wished i had done was to go to the hospital right after she was sent to the hospital by the ambulance. I should have obeyed my instincts (cos annoyingly, they were ALWAYS right). No point crying over spilled milk anyway. I'm not totally sad when my grandma passed away, i just feel that all her pain and sufferings are finally over. Cos few days before, my grandma was having a really bad headache and frequent stomach aches and i got really frustrated to see her suffer. But...she was perfectly fine the whole day before she died (she actually watched tv with us and was eating cottage fries!), except the time when she had a shower while we had dinner at about 6.45pm. She took a long time in the bathroom. After we finished our dinner, she was still in the bathroom and that's when all the tragedy happened. I thought it was nothing serious...till the time that my mom called (was few minutes before 10pm) and asked my sis, younger bro and i(we were watching Grey's Anatomy) to go over to the hospital, that's when i knew that it's very serious. On the way to the hospital, my mom called again to tell us to bring my grandma's clothes. my cousin called my bro telling him that my grandma died. I knew very well that she's really gone but my sis was having doubts cos my mom called us to bring grandma's clothes. She didn't know that the clothes were for clothing the dead body. I guess, i was prepared for this, that's why i didn't cry. people eventually die anyway...it's something that i understand eventhough i've never gone through this before. it turned out that while she was in the bathroom, a vein in her brain gave way due to high pressure, leading to a massive stroke.

I remember asking myself,"why am i not crying? am i that bad?". It turns out that it's because i know where my grandma will be-in heaven. i know that my grandma doesn't like to trouble people. Being sad is very troubling. If my grandma were to be here, she won't want us to be sad because she is happy with the Lord. She no longer have to feel pain in her bones, no more stomach aches too and moreover, she'll be happy for ETERNITY. i don't see why i should be sad, i should be happy for her! i should be happy that she gets to be in heaven. crying and being sad is not going to bring her back anyway...

I didn't know that hosting a funeral is so tiring! the night that my grandma died, i had to stay up all night. well...i stayed up till almost 4am then i fell asleep then i had to wake up at 7am again! That was only 3 hours sleep! According to Dayak custom, we are not to leave the body unattended. We have to be around it while the body is still in the house. So many people came to my house. My elder bro had to drive all the way back to kpg. Stass to bring relatives over to my house. Funeral was on Friday (27th Oct). In the period of the night of 25th Oct till the night of 27th Oct, i had little sleep an i worked my head off! Not just me, but everybody in the family did. My poor aunty in Saudi Arabia can't come back in time for the funeral cos it's Hari Raya so there's no flight back to Malaysia. Saudi Arabia is insane! During Hari Raya, nobody works at all! It's as if the whole country just had an economical stand still during Hari Raya. Saudi Arabia is to be blamed for not bringing my aunt back in time to AT LEAST get a glimpse of my grandma. My aunt in ENgland managed to get a leave and come back here in time for the funeral.

It's really boring in my house, now that there's no funeral cos all my relatives went back to their own homes. I actually liked it when they were around. the funeral actually made the whole family gathered together and it was so cool! Now my house not meriah anymore....

Well....i gained alot of experience through this funeral. 1, is that i now know how does funeral hosting feels like. 2, now i know why my mom married my dad. (heheh..). 3, got to know my relatives better. 4, err.....i don't think there's a four. Anyway, thanks to all that has helped out for my grandma's funeral, esp William Howell, my cousin-in-law for putting the coffin to the accurate position.

That's all for now.

1st Day of Hari Raya

what a boring hari raya this year! i only went to 1 house. i guess it's time for a change. the reason why i only visited 1 house is cos my family and i were full and my dad has no idea who to visit next. actually, i was kinda relieved that we only visited 1 house this time cos i don't wana feel so bloated this year. The house that i visited was my aunt's house. her food is always the best! i love her rendang cos it's the only thing that's not sweet. the best thing bout her house is her cookies and cakes! i had joy trying out all her cakes and cookies....too bad i didn't try all of her cakes cos i was already so full. i love her Kek Hati, which is basically a chocolate cake and is baked by steaming method. steam cakes are usually very soft and moist. delicious! however, not everyone can achieve that magnificent moist steam cake. my mom made that cake before but it's not as moist as my aunt's. hers was really soft, so moist, tender to the tongue. i had joy just to eat there. one thing that i regretted not doing is trying out all her cakes. i should have stuffed it into my mouth!! i guess this year's theme for her hari raya baking spree is chocolate cos most of her cakes' and cookies' main ingredient is chocolate. there was her very famous Almond London (almond cookies coated with chocolate and the centre of the cookie is an almod nut), there was 3 other chocolate cookies which i dono the names. last year, her theme was cheese cos most of her cakes and cookies are made of cheese.

after the visiting, my dad decided not to use the toll so drived through the whole of kpg.bintawa which is so long! that place is so conjested cos the road is like jalan tikus. luckily most of the vehicles going through there are small cars like kelisa and kancil.

the rest of the afternoon, i spent the time washing my clothes and watch tv then sleep. Florence called, telling me that she's going to Sharifah's house to visit. I decided not to cos i was about to sleep at that time. later in the night, i did nothing much, just chilling out with my siblings and watched tv and now this. and...i chatted with >censored<>

Sunday

Today, i went to church as usual. Now Carlson seems to be trying to get close to me. Haha....dipersilakan. I'd like to get to know him more but weird lah...cos all these while i treat him more like an elder brother and a good friend, not more than that. It's weird to think of him as more than that lah..thinking of it just make me have that weird feeling again. He's going for PS conference too..whether I should feel happy or not. I should take a pic of him to show u all how he really looks like. Very handsome....=)

Very bored lah...I just watched tv from 12.00pm to 4.00pm then i sleep till 6.00pm. what a life. I practically go online everyday. now it doesn't seem to be so fun, it's become an addiction and now that i have a blog...going online is an everyday thing. Aiyo, and my friend Ryan from Brunei coming down to kch on 1st Dec and he ask me to hang out with him. Dono whether i can cos that night i will have to be MC for some dinner. Klah...aku chaw lok.

Weird Day

Haihss...have to wake up early for band today again. At least next week holiday so i don't really mind. What I mind is that it finishes at 2 pm. Luckily we're not gonna have practices next week (only on Friday) cos Hari Raya lah! Sheesh....I know many of you gila band but when it's suppose to be a holiday, keep it AS a holiday.Band was great though we got scolded by Mr. Ant (as always). Ahhh....the sound of him scolding us....somehow, i miss it. Haha, weird but it's true and i know some feel the same way. It just doesn't feel right when there's no one scolding. Haiyah, Pamela didn't come! Haihss....my partner yg sama palak, y u don't come?? Shuen Lii came for band just now oso. Was surprised to see her. Still got muka to go for band after what she did. But i kesian her lah...see her just now. As much as i want reconciliation to happen between us, i just can't do it now cos it's not the right time. I don't want her to know that i actually have a soft spot and knowing her character, she may misuse it. She will take advantage of me, she will do bad and always know that i will forgive her and stuff like that. I don't want it to happen again cos it happened before. However, reconciliation has to take place someday but not now and not too late. Enough of the details bout band....

I came home from school at around 2 something, almost 3pm. Had lunch and watch tv with the rest of the time i had. I had a short nap before i went for youth. Before i went for youth, went to pick up my bro at school first then went to send my grandma to my grandaunt's house. After that i wen to Kenyalang Park to buy pau. At Kenyalang Park, i met Andee, Calvin Tarang, Frank, Thomas and Carlson who just came back from Shah Alam. Suddenly Carlson said,"You look so pretty..." with that muka kenja, as though he is hitting on me or something. My mulut say ," Oh, thank you!" with that perasan look on my face but dalam hati, lain kata. In my heart I was like," Lain macam jak this guy...". Sorry lah...but i am not easily flattered lah. I would like to have carlson as my bf ;p cos he very handsome. ahahaha.... Can't believe he actually said that. haha...but i'm very careful. I just don't want to have my heart broken again. My love life so damn complicated man...it's like....a roller coaster. Sheesh.....I can't stand >censored!<>

Yesterday was so fun!! I went out with Flor, Jesz, Ant and Mandy. We were suppose to meet at around 2.30pm but i came to school earlier to teman Flor who came to school at about 12pm. So we makan together and waited for the rest to come. While waiting, we went to see the Lower Brass section doing their sectionals. By 2.30pm, everyone was there accept for Jesz. She was the one who asked us to go out and she said her uncle would send us there but sikda juak. She came the latest and her uncle can't send us. Great....at that point, we all decided to use a taxi. Never in my whole life I used a taxi in Kuching! Other place got lah... And we all can't go in one taxi cos taxis only allow 4 people, there's 5 of us. So we had to split, 3 use one taxi, 2 on the other. So Jesz, Ant and Mandy in one taxi and me and flor in the other. Me, Ant and Mandy takut cos we never used a taxi in Kuching before (me la but dono bout those two)!! So off we go to parkson. Hehe... my tambang taxi only rm8 cos flor cheated the taxi driver say that normally we go here at the rate of rm8 when it's suppose to be rm14. The taxi driver is the one that asked us how much does it normally cost from green road to parkson. Serve the Kuching taxi services right for not using a meter. Hehe....we went Parkson, then to Tun Jugah then to Sarawak Plaza, back to Tun Jugah for "dinner" and back again to Parkson to buy somemore things. At Sarawak Plaza, Mandy and Ant spotted this really nice green pants (my fave color!!) so they showed it to me. It was the last pair and it's only rm29.90! Never in my whole life have I seen such a cheap pair of pants. Of course, I don't wana lose such an opportunity so I bought it! Ant jealous cos she liked the pants too. Oh well, I have the money!! Wahahaha....sorry lah Ant. We went out till like 7.00pm. This was so fun! The taxi thing was an adventure for me lah...Klah, that's all for now. Ciao!

Aku nemu jaku Iban!! Aku pande Melayu S'wak juak!!

Just to let you all know, I created a new account cos i can't remember my password of my previous account. =_=" waaa...i like my old url. it's so nice. and then i havta forget my password, bummer.

Today, went to school as usual just to get my test papers, go for Chemistry class and talk with my lovely friends. Jesz was telling me that she viewed >censored!<'s profile. I was so angry at he sound of his name...She also told me bout him sending her a message with not a very nice intro. It goes "Woi........... Hi, do i know you?". So rude of him. I miss the old him...or i just never knew this side of him. Don't wana talk bout him nemore, very boring topic.

I had fun in school just now. Talking and having fun with my friends like Amanda, Antonia and Jzlyne. So fun hanging out with them. I've never hang out with Dayak friends in school and this year is my first. I love to hang out with my own race! All these while, I've been hanging out with Chinese friends. It's not that i don't like it or anything, I just wanna know how it feels like to just hang out with my own race. It's great to speak Iban with they all and also improving my Melayu Sarawak. In the past, I've been hanging out with Chinese that I only speak Mandarin or English more often and not knowing Sarawak's own language or practising Iban. I also felt ashamed of not knowing how to speak Melayu Sarawak in the past. At least now, I dare to say that I'm a true Sarawakian because I can speak Melayu Sarawak and Iban. Haha...I think that all Sarawakians should speak the language cos...it's our language!! People in Semenanjung would be expecting you to know how to speak it cos trust me, they like it. Plus, Melayu Sarawak sounds alot better than most Melayu dialects in Semenanjung.

Sighss...lotsa things to do even though it's after exam. There's my kerja Kursus Moral which was due so long ago, and there's my band's financial statement, my band's activities, doing some stuff that's weird (not really lah). Busy, busy....band can really take up a lot of time but i know my efforts are not wasted, i hope... After all these would be 2 trips to KL in 2 consecutive months (Nov and Dec)! Wahahahahaha!!! One for a week's holiday and another for Planetshaker's Conference...woohoo...I'll buy my friends a gift while I'm there and if i forget the first time, i'll go get it the second time.

I'm so in love with The Chronicles of Narnia Part 3! It's so nice! Thanks to Ryan Lee from SJS band for sending it to me. Sorry for troubling you to send me so many songs through msn, really appreciate them. Finally, I CAN'T WAIT FOR TOMORROW!! I'll be going out with my girlfriends to shop!! At last i can go out after so many tak-jadi-go-out incidents (because of band). That's all for now, ciao!