Been really tired this week. My grandma died on Wednesday (25th Oct-2nd day of Hari Raya) at 10.10pm. One thing i wished i had done was to go to the hospital right after she was sent to the hospital by the ambulance. I should have obeyed my instincts (cos annoyingly, they were ALWAYS right). No point crying over spilled milk anyway. I'm not totally sad when my grandma passed away, i just feel that all her pain and sufferings are finally over. Cos few days before, my grandma was having a really bad headache and frequent stomach aches and i got really frustrated to see her suffer. But...she was perfectly fine the whole day before she died (she actually watched tv with us and was eating cottage fries!), except the time when she had a shower while we had dinner at about 6.45pm. She took a long time in the bathroom. After we finished our dinner, she was still in the bathroom and that's when all the tragedy happened. I thought it was nothing serious...till the time that my mom called (was few minutes before 10pm) and asked my sis, younger bro and i(we were watching Grey's Anatomy) to go over to the hospital, that's when i knew that it's very serious. On the way to the hospital, my mom called again to tell us to bring my grandma's clothes. my cousin called my bro telling him that my grandma died. I knew very well that she's really gone but my sis was having doubts cos my mom called us to bring grandma's clothes. She didn't know that the clothes were for clothing the dead body. I guess, i was prepared for this, that's why i didn't cry. people eventually die anyway...it's something that i understand eventhough i've never gone through this before. it turned out that while she was in the bathroom, a vein in her brain gave way due to high pressure, leading to a massive stroke.
I remember asking myself,"why am i not crying? am i that bad?". It turns out that it's because i know where my grandma will be-in heaven. i know that my grandma doesn't like to trouble people. Being sad is very troubling. If my grandma were to be here, she won't want us to be sad because she is happy with the Lord. She no longer have to feel pain in her bones, no more stomach aches too and moreover, she'll be happy for ETERNITY. i don't see why i should be sad, i should be happy for her! i should be happy that she gets to be in heaven. crying and being sad is not going to bring her back anyway...
I didn't know that hosting a funeral is so tiring! the night that my grandma died, i had to stay up all night. well...i stayed up till almost 4am then i fell asleep then i had to wake up at 7am again! That was only 3 hours sleep! According to Dayak custom, we are not to leave the body unattended. We have to be around it while the body is still in the house. So many people came to my house. My elder bro had to drive all the way back to kpg. Stass to bring relatives over to my house. Funeral was on Friday (27th Oct). In the period of the night of 25th Oct till the night of 27th Oct, i had little sleep an i worked my head off! Not just me, but everybody in the family did. My poor aunty in Saudi Arabia can't come back in time for the funeral cos it's Hari Raya so there's no flight back to Malaysia. Saudi Arabia is insane! During Hari Raya, nobody works at all! It's as if the whole country just had an economical stand still during Hari Raya. Saudi Arabia is to be blamed for not bringing my aunt back in time to AT LEAST get a glimpse of my grandma. My aunt in ENgland managed to get a leave and come back here in time for the funeral.
It's really boring in my house, now that there's no funeral cos all my relatives went back to their own homes. I actually liked it when they were around. the funeral actually made the whole family gathered together and it was so cool! Now my house not meriah anymore....
Well....i gained alot of experience through this funeral. 1, is that i now know how does funeral hosting feels like. 2, now i know why my mom married my dad. (heheh..). 3, got to know my relatives better. 4, err.....i don't think there's a four. Anyway, thanks to all that has helped out for my grandma's funeral, esp William Howell, my cousin-in-law for putting the coffin to the accurate position.
That's all for now.
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